Why is there an iPhone in this 350-year-old painting?

Commentary By: Albert Mascheroni

Time Travel
This 2,000 year old Roman soldier will also see Christ. Ever wonder why the Apostles spoke of Christ’s coming as though it would be in their generation? It’s bc it is…& ours.

But one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and forthwith came there out blood and water. – John 19:34

Space consists of 3 dimensions (up-down, left-right & forward-backward) & time are all part of what’s called the space-time continuum. Wormholes, also called Einstein-Rosen Bridges, are tunnels that pierce the fabric of the space-time continuum; essentially serving as a shortcut connecting 2 separate points in space/time.

Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen. – Revelation 1:7

View full post at: https://www.facebook.com/al.masch.50/posts/535918373254514

Commentary In Response to Article By: Kaitlyn Tiffany

25e58b9c76a1e152888cfd732661a32f

When Tim Cook and StartUp Delta’s Neelie Kroes presented a blurry photograph of this disturbing painting to a room full of journalists at Startup Fest Europe, Cook joked,

“I always thought I knew when the iPhone was invented, but now I’m not so sure anymore.”

The Next Web reported this bizarre anecdote from the conference, noting that the odd-shaped block in the painting is actually described by the painter, Pieter de Hooch, as “a letter.” The painting is actually titled “Man Handing a Letter to a Woman in the Entrance Hall of a House,” which is truly a thrilling description. Also, that’s an iPhone, but sure Pieter.674064_1What I find most flabbergasting about this very odd story is that Tim Cook has ever been confident in the timing of the iPhone’s invention or the identity of its inventor. If I have learned anything from the golden age of cable television it’s that time is a flat circle, & if I have learned anything from the swath of recent films about tech personalities, everyone in Silicon Valley is a psychotic pathological liar. And if I know anything at all, I know that a conspiracy is nearly always afoot.

All this is irrelevant, however bc asking, “Wait, was the iPhone invented 350 years ago?!” is sort of like asking “Wait, am I just a spec of dust embedded in the eye goo of an unfathomably large immortal being that exists in this moment & in all others at the same time?” As in, um, who would honestly be able to tell you? Surely not this man, face in shadow. What is he but drops of paint?Screen_Shot_2016-05-25_at_4.35.12_PM.0

Definitely not this woman, who is pointing her finger deliberately in 1 direction, w/all the unwarranted swagger of a person who believes in the fable of linear time.Screen_Shot_2016-05-25_at_4.35.02_PM.0

Probably not this dog, who is certainly a sentient time traveller prepared to dismantle that iPhone, born too soon, w/his sharp, sharp teeth. Perhaps he could tell you, were he able to speak & had he not signed an air-tight NDA.Screen_Shot_2016-05-25_at_4.34.56_PM.0.jpg

What do these men know? They wait, but they couldn’t ever say for what. As they speak, they move their thumbs slowly up & then quickly down, as if swiping something. Hideously embarrassed by their hands, they stare into each other’s mouths.Screen_Shot_2016-05-25_at_4.34.51_PM.0.jpg

History has absolutely no idea what sort of monster this is, but no good will come of investigating. It probably created the iPhone, which has destroyed most of humanity’s close friendships & ability to read on trains, but who knows when. It fishes. I guess we’ll never know when the iPhone was invented.

View full article at: http://www.theverge.com/2016/5/25/11775484/iphone-in-17th-century-painting-okay-sure

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s