17 Lessons You Learn When Dating A Girl Who Loves Her Dog

Article By: Melina Giakas

You know you’ve hit the jackpot if you’re dating a girl who loves her dog. She’s playful, energetic, friendly, & loyal, just like her fluffy counterpart. Even so, there are a few things you’ve probably figured out by now. For 1, you come to realize you have some tough 4-pawed compawtition for ruv. But don’t worry. W/dog people, there’s enough to go around!

1. She often shares her bed w/someone else
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

2. You’re used to explaining you’re JUST a dog parent to those surprised when she refers to the “baby” waiting at home.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

3. You realized it’s not just her parents you need to impress; her dog needs to like you, too. (A girl would never date someone her dog didn’t approve of, sorry.)
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

4. You know all her spots. Back left, far right, wherever it is, every gal has a go-to spot where her pooch is guaranteed to take a whiz. Why, what did you think we meant?
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

5. Whenever you 2 are out, you know someone else is on her mind.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

6. You become a pro at packing bc when you have a dog, beach trips include a lot more than sunscreen & a towel.
Source: All Posters

6. You learn not to sweat the small stuff. Puppies are often chewing something they shouldn’t be. It’s a fair trade off for the cute overload & you probably would’ve lost that sock anyway.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

7. She often refers to her “special someone” – & it’s not always you.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

8. You know engagement photos will never be just about the 2 of you.
Source: World According to Maggie

9. You always have a 3rd wheel for movie night.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

10. You find yourself having a constant houseguest that never brings food, but is happy to eat yours.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

11. Her recipes are conveniently dog friendly, leading you to question her baking.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

12. You learn you don’t have full cuddle custody.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

13. Chloe, Murphy, Levi, & Snow – you know of her dog’s friends (& their Instagrams) by heart.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

14. You’re not sure who she loves more, & you’re too afraid to ask bc you’re pretty sure you know the answer.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

15. When she calls “Hey, baby,” you never know if she’s talking to you or the dog.
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

16. You can name all of the dog-friendly spots in town. (Aka your frequent date spots).
Source: @jessicaatrinhh

17. You know 1st-hand that dog people are loyal, fun partners beyond compare! Especially bc you’re 1 now, too. And you’ll never go back!
Source: alliaskforanymore on tumblr

View full article at: http://barkpost.com/date-girl-who-loves-her-dog/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=barkbox

5 Steps to an Apology That Really Works

5 Steps to an Apology That Really Works … and 3 rules for the tricky task of accepting an apology.

Article By: Deborah R. Glasofer, Ph.D. & Lloyd I. Sederer, MD

Partner communication is never more important than during a conflict. The most common topics of disagreement are:
(1) Achieving a fair & satisfying balance of individual & couples activities;
(2) Extended-family conflicts;
(3) How to discipline a child;
(4) The demands of everyday life; &
(5) Money.

Couples research has shown that partners with a “validating” style, in which each person’s view is understood & appreciated during a conflict, are most likely to describe themselves as satisfied, & their relationship as stable.

Pinpoint the Problem
Think about a recent conflict you & your partner experienced, or 1 that occurs regularly. For example, imagine a situation where you face a decision about whether to spend some of your mutual savings on a beach trip. Ask yourself the following 4 questions to adopt a validating style:
(1) What happened? Be specific and objective – as though you were a reporter writing a news article.

I was reading an article online about the 10 best beaches to visit. It had been a stressful day at work & I was feeling irritated by the recent bad weather. When my partner came home from work, before he could settle in, I told him that I thought we should take an exotic beach holiday. He said that would be too much money. I replied that he is a cheapskate, never willing to spend money on anything fun. I stormed away, & went out to meet a friend.

(2) What is there to be sorry about? In a conflict, both parties usually have reason to apologize. Bc you cannot control what your partner thinks, feels, or does, start by focusing on what made you feel bad about your part of the interaction.

I regret calling him a cheapskate. It is important for us to be saving money right now for our future. Walking out dramatically didn’t fix anything.

(3) What could have been different? Imagine hitting the Rewind button: Where might you have “paused” & “re-recorded” with a better comment?

I could have waited to talk to him—not right after he walked in the door & then suggested a more modest trip. I could have expressed my wish to get away instead of labeling him a cheapskate. I could have stuck around even though I was upset, & let things settle down.

(4) How high are the stakes? On a scale from 1 to 5, w/5 being the highest, how important to you is this specific conflict? How will it impact your relationship if you sort it out, avoid it, or let it escalate?

The stakes are modest, say a 3. Where we go on vacation is not critical to our happiness. But it’s really important, a 5, that we get on the same page about spending & saving money. If we avoid it, we will keep fighting about it.

How to Apologize
What comes after “Sorry” will, of course, depend on what’s happened, but here are 5 more effective communication strategies to keep in mind:
(1) Pick your moment wisely. We often hear, “Strike while the iron is hot.” W/apologies, do the opposite: Wait until the conflict has cooled. This helps you prepare what to say, not just by way of apology but also by offering solutions or compromises.

(2) Be specific. In the heat of an argument, nearly everyone tosses about the “always-es” & “nevers”—as though it is even possible for someone to “always” or “never” do something! Be careful not to generalize when offering an apology. For example,

“I’m sorry that I raised my voice but you are always cutting me off mid-sentence” might be “I’m sorry that I raised my voice yesterday when we were disagreeing about childcare. I felt frustrated bc I had not said all I wanted to say before you started to speak.”

(3) Speak from your own perspective. The example above illustrates another critical part of an effective apology: Using “I” statements. Don’t blame your partner for your behavior. When you apologize, talk about emotions you experienced bc your feelings are hard(er) to debate.

(4) What you don’t say speaks volumes. No matter what words follow “I am sorry,” you will say a lot w/eye contact, body posture, tone, & facial expression. Research shows that we are great at reading others’ nonverbal cues. We respond to these cues not only w/our thoughts, but w/our physiology (e.g., heart rate). Look your partner in the eye. Take an open stance. Speak calmly. Listen. Take your time.

(5) Put yourself in your partner’s position. When apologizing, be sure to imagine standing in your partner’s shoes during the conflict & the apology. From your partner’s perspective, what warrants an apology? How did your actions make him or her feel? What does your partner need to feel understood & considered?

Apologizer, Beware
Depending on what type of apologizer you are, there are changes in your style you can make to avoid some apology landmines:
(1) Over-Apologizer. Ask yourself if how you are feeling—guilty or anxious, perhaps—is far beyond any “crime” you have committed. Would you be this upset if you were in your partner’s shoes? When you apologize, listen carefully to your partner’s response; let them forgive, & respect their need for closure.

(2) Under-Apologizer. Listen to your partner’s words & pay attention to nonverbal cues. You may realize that you need to do more by watching your partner’s reactions. Look for their body posture to relax; that’s a good sign you have done what needs to be done.

(3) Can’t-Get-It-Right Apologizer. Prepare your apology. Write a few short ideas down. Try out different options with a trusted friend. When you feel ready—even if you are still nervous—let your partner know that you’re really trying to do “sorry”’ differently, & try asking for feedback afterwards.

Letting It Go: The Art of Forgiveness
How can we all learn to graciously accept an apology?
(1) Participate meaningfully in your partner’s apology. Listen actively, ask questions, & give body signals that show you understand.

(2) Meet empathy w/empathy. When a partner offers an apology, he or she is trying to see things from your perspective. You need to do the same.

(3) Identify next steps. Once your partner says, “I’m sorry,” it’s your turn to respond. Offer ideas for compromise. Accept the apology. Don’t be shy about saying “thank you” & “I love you.”

Apology & forgiveness can’t be bought at the flower shop. They cost less in money but more in effort. Yet they are priceless bc they deepen the bonds of intimacy & trust. After you say, “I am sorry,” all the words that follow will mean so much more.

View full article at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/managing-your-mindset/201506/5-steps-apology-really-works?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

8 Simple, Powerful Ways To Create New, Better Intimacy In A Long-Term Relationship

Article By: Lara Rutherford-Morrison

Being in a committed, long-term relationship is awesome for many reasons: You love someone who loves you back, you have absolute trust in that person, you don’t have to deal w/the craziness & anxiety of dating, you have someone great to come home to everyday, you feel completely comfortable w/that person—the list goes on & on. But being in an long-term relationship can also be really, really hard. When you’re w/someone for the long-haul, it can be all too easy to take that person for granted, to assume that you both know everything about each other, that you both know how the other person is feeling, that your relationship will continue to work as long as it stays the same. People who have been w/the same partner for a long time know that this kind of thinking can be a recipe for disaster: When we stop taking the time to nurture our relationships, regardless of how stable they might seem, distance can grow, small resentments can fester, & before we know it, all that intimacy that we used to have has evaporated.

I know from experience that maintaining an LTR is never easy. But I firmly believe that keeping, & increasing, your sense of intimacy w/your long-term partner doesn’t have to be complicated. What it really takes is a commitment on both partners’ parts to spend time & effort nurturing the relationship. Read on for 8 simple ways to deepen your connection:

1. Go on real dates: When you’re in a long-term relationship or married, it’s important to set aside time to spend together as a couple. The dates you set up w/your S.O. or spouse can take whatever form you like—a fancy dinner out, a yummy meal cooked at home, a long walk around the park—but the important thing is that you clearly delineate that time from the rest of your daily life. Setting up real dates, even when they’re very simple, is an important act in itself bcit implicitly states that you & your S.O. feel like nurturing your relationship is a priority.

2. Do this 36 Question thing: Back in January, the ­New York Times “Modern Love” column make waves when it ran an article by Mandy Len Catron titled, “To Fall In Love Do This.” The article explores the work of a study by Dr. Arthur Aron, which proposes that 2 strangers can fall in love by asking each other 36 questions, followed by a long, silent stare into each other’s eyes. I tried this out w/my husband, & it ended up being surprisingly cool. It didn’t necessarily make us fall in love all over again, but it did get us to have a real conversation about our hopes & fears, all while making dinner on a random Tuesday night! The end, when we had to look into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes, was also unexpectedly powerful. Staring that directly at someone can feel strange & exposing, even with a person w/whom you’re very close.

If you’re not down w/the 36 Questions (or you’ve already done them) challenge each other to come up w/your own questions. Mix them up in a hat, pull them out at random, and talk. Look into each other’s eyes w/out speaking for 4 minutes at the end. (Then make out bc it’s inevitable.)

3. Make something together:

Set aside some time for you & your S.O. to make something together. It doesn’t really matter what: You could set aside a Saturday night to cook something labor intensive together. You could paint together, or do origami together. Seriously, it can be anything: Once my husband and I spent an evening putting together a LEGO set that someone gave us for Christmas, & it was super fun. As you both work on whatever your project is, you’ll find yourself bonding over the shared effort & talking about all sorts of things you might not have expected.

4. Have sex: Physical intimacy & emotional intimacy are, of course, not the same. But sex can play an important role in maintaining a long-term couple’s emotional bond, making them feel more connected, more attracted to each other, & generally happier. If you need any more motivation to hit the sheets (but why would you?), sex has also been shown to have all sorts of mental & physical health benefits.

5. Laugh together: Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein writes in Psychology Today that “Laughter is a potent love medicine. It is an intimacy builder for couples.” Laughter can help to relieve the tension in difficult situations, & it can impart a sense of fun to relationships that are feeling staid. Make an effort to bring more laughter in your relationship: watch comedies together, tell each other jokes, & let yourselves be really, really silly.

6. Discuss the State of the Union: Discussing the state of your relationship might not be the most fun thing to do, but it is necessary. Take time here & there to talk seriously w/your S.O. about how you’re both feeling & what you want. These discussions are important even if you feel like your relationship is in good shape; you might discover that, when you press the issue, there are underlying tensions just below the surface. Better to deal w/these things now, when they’re small irritations, than later, when they bloom into huge problems.

7. Be uncomfortable together: As a couple, make an effort to try new things together, & to allow yourself to be in uncomfortable situations. These situations could be big events like visiting a country where you don’t speak the language, or small instances, like forcing yourselves to sing a duet at a karaoke bar in front of other people. Dealing w/the new & unexpected in these situations as a team will bring you closer together in the other parts of your life.

8. Be physically affectionate:

Sex is important, but so is simple, non-sexual touching. Studies have shown that physical affection decreases stress, & it’s been associated w/lower blood pressure & increased satisfaction in relationships. Like sex, physical affection causes the body to release Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin has a variety of effects; studies have shown that the hormone can make us more likely to be monogamous, more extroverted, & more generous & trustworthy. A study recently published in Nature even suggests that Oxytocin might be useful in treating mental disorders.

View full article at: http://www.bustle.com/articles/78127-8-simple-powerful-ways-to-create-new-better-intimacy-in-a-long-term-relationship

12 Quotes To Remind You That Being Single Is A Wonderful Thing

Article By: Brittany Wong

The single life is severely underrated. In addition to doing whatever you want, whenever you damn please, being single & no longer having to devote mental energy to a relationship — frees you up to explore what really makes you happy in life.

To remind you that you don’t need someone by your side to be perfectly content, we’ve rounded up 12 of our favorite quotes on solitude & the single life below:

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  Sacbastein Thomas – Sth Photography via Getty Image
• oneeyeleft via Getty Images
• m-gucci via Getty Images
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•  peter zelei via Getty Images
• Zoonar RF via Getty Images
  planinasum, Getty Images
  LWA via Getty Images

View full article at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/08/quotes-to-remind-you-that-being-single-is-awesome_n_7536954.html?ir=Good+News&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000023

Guilty of snooping through your partner’s phone? You are definitely not alone

Article By: CNN Wire Service

Here’s a scenario to consider: Your partner leaves his cell phone on the dining room table. His texts & emails can be easily accessed w/just the touch of a fingertip. Would you look? Have you ever looked? If you said yes, you are definitely not alone.

In a 2013 study conducted in the United Kingdom & reported in The Telegraph, 34% of women admitted they had looked through the cell phone of a partner or ex-partner w/out their knowledge. But before women start feeling guilty about those stats, take a look at the findings for men: Nearly twice as many men, 62%, admitted doing the very same thing, according to the study of 2,081 adults in the UK who were in a relationship at the time.

The study also found that the stakes of this unapproved snooping could be huge. Nearly a 1/3, 31% of people surveyed, said they would consider terminating the relationship if they learned their partner had been looking over their texts, emails & social media messages on their cell phone w/out their consent.

Snooping is ‘last straw’ for some.
Micky, a mom of 2, said that snooping was the “last straw” in a long line of events that led to the end of her 1st marriage. Her 1st husband, she said, never trusted her. “Ultimately, the marriage ended after a big blowup when he confronted me about some remarks to a friend in a private email, revealing that he’d been snooping on me,” Micky said. (We are not using her last name or the last names of other women & men in the story bc of the sensitive nature of the topic.) Much to her disappointment, Micky said, early on in her relationship w/her 2nd husband — her then-boyfriend — she read some of his Skype text conversations.

“It was a huge mistake,” she said, adding that she eventually confronted her partner about what she read. “He explained the conversation but was really disappointed in my snooping since it revealed a mistrust on my part. I was so embarrassed & ashamed I had done that.”

Laurie, also a mom of 2, said she approached the issue a whole lot differently 10 years ago than she would today. Back then, she said, she snooped “numerous times,” checking her partners’ emails & even getting into their accounts on various dating websites bc she thought they were cheating on her. Today, she said, she wouldn’t do it.

“Snooping says not only are you insecure, but you also do not have a trusting relationship,” Laurie said. “This is not the type of relationship I would choose to be a part of.”

If partners in a relationship have to snoop on 1 another, then there is a problem in the relationship, said Janeane, a mother of 4 who said she has never snooped on her husband.

“A relationship w/out trust is worthless,” she said. “If you want to know something, ask.”

David, a married father of 2, said that if a girlfriend snooped on him during his dating years, that relationship would probably end very quickly.

“Confidence is my aphrodisiac,” he said. “I don’t like drama in my life, & an insecure girlfriend wouldn’t make the cut.”

Are there cases where it’s OK to snoop?
Julie Holland, a New York psychiatrist & author of “Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You’re Taking, the Sleep You’re Missing, the Sex You’re Not Having & What’s Really Making You Crazy,” says communication is key. “My advice (to patients) is always that you need to talk more w/your partner & not less,” she said. Plus, she says, people probably won’t get to the bottom of anything by snooping, bc partners could always have other email accounts or could have deleted texts & emails.

“You’re not necessarily going to find what you’re looking for, but you’re certainly opening a can of worms in terms of trust & intimacy issues.”

But are there ever times where it’s OK or necessary?

“If your gut is telling you that something is wrong & you’ve had that moment where you talk about it, & then you still are not satisfied w/the answer,” it might be OK to investigate some more, said Leslie Yazel, executive editor of Cosmopolitan.

She pointed to cases, reported in her magazine, in which young women found out that a boyfriend was a drug abuser or a sex addict by looking at their phone or finding a 2nd phone in the house. “And these girls were able to get out of really bad situations,” Yazel said, conceding that these examples were on the extreme side.

Diane, who is married w/no kids, said that if and only if she had reason to believe her husband were engaged in “illegal or immoral conduct” would she feel an obligation to investigate. But beyond that, she said, snooping shows a lack of trust, personal insecurity & a “complete disregard for the person’s right to privacy.” She also brought up the unintended consequences. A friend of hers looked at her husband’s emails & found he had been having an online flirtation w/a former girlfriend, someone he had known years before he met his wife, she said.

“There was nothing going on. It was a midlife crisis, & it was over before she found out, but it nearly destroyed a 28-year marriage.”

To some, checking emails/texts isn’t ‘snooping’
Kitty, who is not married, says that in relationships, she & her partner have an understanding that they are always free to read each other’s emails & texts.

“What I do in relationships, I don’t necessarily refer to as ‘snooping,’ as that would imply that I am sneaking to do it,” she said. “If we are operating separately, that means we are not in a monogamous relationship. Have I read my partners’ emails & texts? Yes, & they were fully aware I did so. But on the other hand, they were free to read mine,” she said.

A mom of 2, who didn’t want to even use her 1st name, admitted snooping very early on in her relationship w/her now-husband.

“I did it in the beginning of my relationship bc I did not trust him (or any men for that matter),” she said.

Ultimately, she found out he was not only trustworthy but also a “little boring,” she said. “No porn, no gambling. He was all about work.” While she said she is not proud of what she did & would never admit it to her husband, she doesn’t regret it.

“Not sure how long it would have taken me to trust him so completely if I didn’t snoop.”

View full article at: http://fox6now.com/2015/05/26/guilty-of-snooping-through-your-partners-phone-you-are-definitely-not-alone/

The Impact Of Social Media On Relationships

This subject is particularly close to me as I too have had countless heartache caused by the influence of social media, & continue to let it eat away at my already tattered self-esteem to this day.

Today’s trending technology has made it so easy to get swept away by the possibilities, but the endless ways to enhance public communication seems to eventually lead to unfaithful connections, an increased desire to spy & an unhealthy self-image instilled by unnecessary comparisons to the lives of others (that are quite possibly staged to enhance 1’s social appeal). I’ve also learned the hard way that there are many individuals out there, particularly exes, that find it much more appealing to chase someone once they see that they’re “in a relationship.” Facebook relationship status’s eventually become a game of possession or of stature – as in you’re lesser if you have the lonely title of “single.” My own “complicated” status has left me crying hopelessly many nights at the fear that I’ll die alone amidst the sea of Facebook friends that seem happily “married” with their Facebook official status updates.

Article By: RelRules.com

I remember when we used to write letters & wait for people to call us on our home phone. I remember a time when people actually got excited when they received mail, when the idea of having a cell phone wasn’t as life changing as it’s become today, those were the good old days. I’ve been wanting to write an article on “Social Media Insecurities” for a long time now, I was always too scared bc I knew once I dive into this topic I will not stop until I spill my guts out in the article. You guys have been reading my stuff for over 2 years now, this is going to be very different from what I do bc this has a lot of past connections for me, this is going to hurt me a lot while I spill this out, but it has to be done bc I’m not alone here & I don’t want anyone else to go through what I once went through.

So the idea of this article came to me when I asked you people to tell me how social media & technology has affected your relationship, almost every single answer I got (out of the 2000 something messages) was very sad, everyone had 1 thing or the other to say about how social media & technology destroyed their relationship. That’s what reminded me of my own past & what I had to go through & how insecure I became bc of technology & the amazing wonders we have in the palm of our hands today. I’m going to talk about what you guys told me, I’m going to talk about how I feel about this personally & I’m going to talk about both the negatives & the positives. For obvious reasons, I’m not going to use names of the people who wanted to stay anonymous, some were fine w/it. Let’s begin.

Jealousy
1 of you said: “I think social media causes more insecurities between couples. For example seeing someone else in a picture w/your significant other. Its easy for jealously to arise. Also too many distractions between couples. They pay more attention to what they don’t have instead of being grateful for what they do have. The most important thing we can give 1 another is our time. The 1 thing we can’t get back is time so be careful bc life is short. Never be too proud bc you will wind up losing something bc of ego. People make relationships too hard now days, they worry about what others think or too many obstacles to overcome. I believe if you love someone nothing can come between.”

Social media & technology combined are slowly becoming the #1 cause of problems & arguments in relationships. It’s no coincidence that I received so many messages that were about the element of “jealousy”. Give bad people a lot of power & they will use it as they see fit, another 1 of you wrote:

“… I was w/him for 4 years & all of a sudden his interest in me seemed to decrease, we met & spoke even less than before. I used to see his Facebook & it was filled w/new checkins & pictures w/everyone else but me, I asked him & he said “you’re just thinking too much”, am I? Is it normal that my boyfriend has all the time in the world for everyone else but he forgets to ask me if I’m back to health again after I was sick for 4 days?…”

I took part of the message to show you guys, when 2 people are having a fight or are arguing, their subconscious wants them to think & know that the other person still cares the same about them. However, some people use social media to intentionally hurt their partners. Some people intentionally use their public profiles to show their partners that they’re perfectly happy & normal even though they’ve had a fight, they show them that they have a lot of friends & people to be with & aren’t sad at all just to make them feel less about themselves. Some people intentionally use the power of social media to make others jealous bc they now have the resources that they didn’t before, now whatever they say gets seen by 100s or 1000s of people, now they feel more empowered.

On another note, I received another message: “… but I thought I was the most important person in her life. I know it’s okay to feel a little jealous, but I’m actually hurt. She puts so many pictures w/so many of her “guy friends” everyday & when I ask her about them, she says “they’re just friends, stop being insecure”. I mean okay I know, maybe I am being a little too insecure & jealous, but if she truly loves me can’t she see that I’m being hurt by this? I mean 1 or 2 guy friends is okay, but this is a little too much, please tell me I’m not crazy…”

This message really hit home for me bc 1 of my exes used to do this a lot. We are all human, & when we love someone, we love them w/everything we have. Jealousy is a very normal part of relationships & it’s okay to be jealous every now & then, & if your partner knows it’s affecting you they’ll put in an extra effort to make sure it stops hurting you, or they’re just not the right person for you. When my ex cheated on me, I felt it coming, I knew it was going to happen. Bc she used to be exactly like the girl mentioned above. Dude, I know you’re reading this, you need to sit down w/her & have a heart to heart, if it doesn’t work out, find someone who respects your emotions.

Return of the Ex
This 1 is all me. W/apps like “Whatsapp”, “Snapchat”, “Viber” & many more, it’s not too hard to get in touch w/anyone if you really want to. This is when people are tempted, if they’re weak enough to make certain mistakes that they regret later. People will only be tempted to do something if they knew they had the power to do it, this is what separates the good people from the bad. This happened w/me personally w/my ex. So 1 fine day, we were out having lunch & the battery ran out on my phone, so I asked if I could use hers. She hesitated a little & then gave it to me, I noticed the hesitation on her face & I just had to know why she did that. After the call, while the phone was still in my hands & her eyes on her phone, she received a message on “Whatsapp”. What do you know, it’s her ex who apparently “broke her into pieces” saying “How are you doing today, love?”.

Now obviously, my 1st reaction was to give her the benefit of the doubt, so I thought to myself that maybe he is disturbing her & she doesn’t want to talk to him. So I opened up the messages, apparently, she loved talking to him. That’s when I lost my mind. She told me “calm down, it’s only messages, it’s not like we meet or anything, he’s my ex & he just wanted to chat”, but I obviously wasn’t okay w/“just a chat”. I forgave her though, & I told her not to do it again but that day gave birth to a very strong insecurity in my head. That’s when I became insecure & wanted to know what she was doing every second, & I simply hated being in that relationship bc when you lose clarity w/someone, it just isn’t the same. In the end, we eventually broke up when she finally cheated on me. But the insecurity stayed w/me for a very long time, so much so that I was scared of being w/someone else.

A doorway to lying and cheating
Like I said, power works both ways, bad people use it for bad purposes, good people use it to make others happy. I received another message & w/her permission I’m posting it in its entirety:

Elizabeth went through something 100s & 1000s of people go through everyday, cheating. Social media & technology makes it easy for bad people to cheat on someone, bc there’s always something they can do to hide their steps. Everyone eventually gets caught in the end, but the price to pay is months of heartache & a lot of developed insecurities that take a lot of time to go away.

Finding salvation elsewhere
Some people get so involved in the online world, that they start feeling safe there more than they do with their loved ones in reality. And then, the people who care most about you start becoming less and less important in front of those who aren’t even there but pretend to be because they’re lonely in their own world too. This is exactly why I don’t have many friends on my personal Facebook profile, because I love my friends and I love my family and my girlfriend is the most important person in my life, I can’t let myself be trapped in a world that’s going to make me feel happy temporarily when I can find infinite happiness with the people I have in my life.

1 of you wrote: “Social media & relationships: w/the amount of social media & sex/dating hook up sites, so easy for people to cheat on their partners, whether online or more. My ex bf was in between 15-20 sites, he said it was just chat, but when you advertise your last std check its obvious it was more. So much more I could say, but yes, I think social media impacts relationships. Some people tend to turn to their online friends instead of reality.”

The spy element and paranoia

1 of you wrote: “… ever since then, I can never take my eyes off of his “status”. I wake up in the middle of the night to see when he’s been online bc he’s cheated on me once before, I don’t think I’ll ever get back to the carefree person I used to be bc I’m just too afraid of getting hurt again. I’m going paranoid…”

This personally happened w/me too, ever since I read that message in her phone, I used to see her “last seen” on Whatsapp, bc that’s where it began. That’s actually how I caught her, finally. But I’ll write about that later. When our trust gets broken once, it leaves us very scared & vulnerable for another attack. In the efforts to save our hearts from another painful trauma, we become overprotective & in some cases we just get so involved that people start calling us “paranoid”.

To the person who wrote this, you aren’t going paranoid, you just need time to heal bc your scar is still very fresh. Take some time out for yourself, try getting involved in outdoor activities, try diverting your mind from your phone, I can’t say if he’s going to repeat his mistake again but if he really has to do it, he’ll do it regardless of you checking up on him. Do you really think you need to be in a relationship where you have to constantly check up on someone? Talk about it w/him, tell him your fears, you’ll know what to do after that.

Years of love, forgotten
This is by far the most hurtful message I’ve read & it hurts me even posting this here, but it’s very powerful:

Regarding your piece in social media, It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to my relationship. I introduced my wife to the Internet, & later on I encouraged her participation in social media. This opened doors for meeting new people, & eventually chatting with & meeting other men on several occasions through the course of our marriage. Long story short after 20 years, she left me 8 months ago & moved to another state leaving the children behind w/me.

At times I wish the Internet as a whole had never even existed regardless of its modern conveniences. I can only use this man’s 1st name, Eric. Eric went through a terrible change, an insane level of pain & a lot of trauma simply bc he introduced his wife to social media. I’m still very shocked to see that TWENTY long years of marriage was thrown out the window just bc a door was opened where new people could meet. Hang in there, man. If you still support & love your children, you’re by far the strongest man I’ve come across.

The good, yes it’s not all bad
While almost every message I received was about how social media & technology destroys relationships, I also received a few happy messages regarding the topic. You guys know Krista Renee, she’s a long time fan & a personal friend of mine who wrote that incredible piece on long distance relationships, read it here, she had something to say about how social media affects her life in a good way:

Technology works wonders for long distance relationships bc it helps people communicate better & tries to make them feel like the distance isn’t too much between them. Another 1 of you said:

“I always wake up smiling bc of the messages she leaves me in the morning. It’s always so sweet. And I send her cute pictures of babies bc she’s expecting in 4 months, I simply love the concept of social media in our lives bc we love each other more than those things, we just use them for each other…”

The above message is a prime example of how the same power that hurts people, can also make others smile. It all depends on the person using that power. I, personally, am in a very happy relationship now & the insecurities are gone & we both use social media keeping each other in mind. If your relationship is strong & you are strong people individually, social media won’t be able to get in the way that much, it all depends on how much you love each other in the end.

View full article at: http://www.relrules.com/the-impact-of-social-media-on-relationships/

7 Signs You’re in an Authentic Relationship

Article By: PowerOfPositivity.com

We all dream about a perfect partner who could increase our heart rate & make our heads spin daily. We all find ourselves in that space of intense desire & get easily disappointed when we attract partners w/whom we simply don’t resonate. Everywhere we look, from TV commercials, to movies & random banners, we get the wrong idea about what having a significant other in your life really comes down to. It can be easy miss the fact that relationships need to be there not only to give & receive love, but to grow as a person.

Here are 7 signs you’re in an authentic relationship that helps you grow as an individual.

(1) You’re involved w/someone who gives you wings. 1 of their main focuses is to see you happy, freed from restrictions, & using your highest potential in order to achieve your desires. This partner may gently push you ‘out there’ bc he or she sees your potential & wants to see you shine. This partner encourages you on a daily basis & tenderly shifts your focus from ‘I am not good enough’ to ‘I can do it’.

(2) Your partner considers communication essential in your relationship. You & him/her both, progressively practice opening up to 1 another. This process requires time, patience, acceptance & love. As we get involved in romantic relationships (or any kind of relationships, for that matter), most of us dissociate from our authentic self & create a false image of ourselves – that always provided the safety of acceptance. Having a true connection w/someone means unveiling our true spirit & functioning from that place of truthfulness.

(3) Your significant other soothes you when you’re too hard on yourself. All individuals give in to self-criticism at a certain point; society doesn’t help as it continuously promotes the idea of more: bigger, better, newer are the leitmotifs of our daily living. No wonder in this context we often find ourselves caught in a space of negativity. When this happens, your partner doesn’t invalidate your feelings but tries to shift your perception. Looking at things from a different point of view, in difficult moments, can light up new realms for you.

(4) Your partner is aware of the importance of quality time together. He/she always practices being fully present around you. As your connection deepens, both of you learn how to be devoted to 1 another & how to become 1, w/out losing your individuality.

(5) Your relationship facilitates the growth of both of you. In time, you & your partner become the best versions of yourselves you have ever imagined. Your significant other boosts your expansion as a human being & teaches you to remain centered through life’s ups & downs.

(6) Your relationship makes you feel safe. Nowadays, everywhere we turn, we are exposed to dramatic events. We can be easily caught in the increasing wave of negative emotions promoted mostly by the media. In these conditions, your relationship becomes that safe space of purity, tenderness, joy & fulfillment. We are so used to drama that we unconsciously bring it in our lives. Our romantic relationships are commonly exposed to this situation. An aware & loving partner will work on dissolving any negative vibe that could cloud your connection. He/she will defuse any tension arisen between you as a result of something that clearly has nothing to do w/the 2 of you.

(7) An authentic relationship teaches you how to love unconditionally. It breaks the walls most of us created in order to protect ourselves, leaving us opened, vulnerable & extremely sensitive. You learn how to provide for yourself & for your partner from a place of relaxation, attention & flexibility. Most importantly, the right relationship gives you the strength to reach your greatest potential by diving into that unique space of genuine self-love, so inaccessible to the majority of us.

View full article at: http://www.powerofpositivity.com/7-signs-youre-authentic-relationship/

11 Reasons Not to Date an Outdoors Girl

Article By: Bryn Wilgress

In my first year of university I was greeted with a brand new perspective. Upon telling a new friend that I was in the Outdoor Adventure Leadership program I was told that I had “lost points in his books” because what guy could be interested in a girl who could one up him on a camping trip? I have carried this with me, never allowing it to sway my education path, but reflecting on it every once and a while. It was when I read an article online recently called Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels that I was inspired to write something along those lines – I wanted to write about exactly why people should avoid dating a girl who works and plays outside.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s far too adventurous. You might have a hard time getting her to sit still for any length of time. She is always looking for the next adventure, no matter what the size. It could be an afternoon hiking, or a two week trip abroad. You might have to beg her to settle down and spend a night in on the couch.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s way to easy-going. She can recognize a truly bad situation, so she won’t sweat the small stuff. She won’t let bad weather or broken gear slow her down. She doesn’t spook easily and she understands the human body, although, she might still giggle when you pass each other on the path to the thunder box. She knows how tough the daily grind can be and she is comforted by simply escaping to the outdoors. She’ll probably drag you along.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s up for trying new things. It comes with her adventurous nature. If she is a weekend warrior you will find her at work on a Wednesday dreaming of new gear and rivers to run. She will happily hop in the car and take off to anywhere with you for the weekend – she was probably already booking campsites when you asked.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s tanned in the summer from the sun, not a tanning bed. She’s probably covered in freckles and has dirt under her nails. She likely only bathed in the lake all summer; she didn’t spend enough time inside to even consider a shower. You won’t find her in heels. You’ll often find her barefoot, wearing a grin from ear to ear, soaking in every moment of sunlight she can because she knows the tripping months are short.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. Her constant focus will be on the joy-factor. She will always be considering the moods of the people around her and how she can help them make the most out of their days. She will turn everything into a game, make light of situations when she can, and can easily entertain a crowd.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s experienced. She’s a leader. She will likely show you up on a portage trail. She has sea kayaked, ran white water, and has spent days hiking and canoeing. She can tie bowlines, make shelters from snow or sticks, wrap ankles, cook on a fire she built herself and make a kick-ass campfire coffee. She can lead the masses and keep them all happy.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s well prepared. She knows exactly what to pack for any outing, and will rarely be found without a lighter. She carries a purse to make sure she has everything she needs with her. She always has snacks.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s not materialistic. She has spent days without air conditioning, hot showers, ovens and electricity. She has come to appreciate the comforts of everyday life. She will choose experiences over gifts. She’ll be wearing burn bracelets instead of expensive jewelry and her favourite accessory is likely a Buff.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s fiercely individual and independent. She knows what she wants and who she wants to be. She’s on a path, but she likely doesn’t know where it ends. That’s part of the adventure. She won’t need you. But she will want you. This girl will be able to take care of herself; she can cook, portage, pay her own bills, and set her own anchors. But she will love your company.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. She’s extremely supportive. She understands you are two different people, and she has dreams and ambitions just like you. She will push you to take leaps and accept challenges the same way she keeps you motivated on 2 km portages. She just wants you to be as happy as she is. She’s going to give you, like every other commitment in her life, 110%.

Don’t date an outdoor girl. No matter what you do she’ll always be a little wild, and don’t you dare try to tame her.

View full article at: http://wearewildness.com/11-reasons-not-to-date-an-outdoor-girl/

Ending male-on-female violence: “Love is Greater Than Hate Project” launches to nationwide audience

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline Support, resources and advice for your safety

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• Available: 24/7, 365 days a year. Bilingual advocates on hand.
• Resources: thehotline.org
• Chat now: M-F, 10am-8pm ET

5 Reasons Why Your FWB Could Turn Into A Great Partner

Article By: Holly Riordan

When you sign up for a friends-with-benefits relationship, criticism comes w/the package. People will say you’re setting yourself up to get hurt, or your partner will get hurt, or a random stranger on the street will get hurt. No matter what point some1 is trying to convey, the dreaded “H” word is in the mix. But, don’t all relationships, even the monogamous 1s, have the potential to hurt you?

If you want a sexy stud to sleep w/bc you’re not in the right mindset to sustain a serious relationship, have fun w/a friend w/benefits. It’s not slutty; it’s called being considerate. It’s better to find some1 who’s on the same page as you than to settle for some boyfriend you know likes you way more than you like him. However, no matter how sex starved you are, you’ll eventually want to settle down. While every1 wants to have a special story about meeting her hubby at a wine tasting & falling in love at 1st sight, the real world is much messier. You might end up falling for your friend w/benefits, & trust me, it can work out. Despite what people say, starting out as FWB doesn’t mean you’re destined for disaster. Here’s why:

(1) Best Friends: There are different types of friends w/benefits. There is the type that meets up, has sex & immediately leaves w/out a kiss or a cuddle. Then, there is the type that drives to your place to hang out like buddies & watch TV, & then you have sex as a bonus. If you’re a part of the 2nd group, then you have a strong bond w/your FWB that extends beyond the bedroom. Some people jump into relationships w/men they barely know, but you know your partner all too well. If you decide to date, the fact that you were friends 1st is a huge benefit.

(2) Good Sex: At some point, your relationship revolved around sex, which means you must have been getting it good. There was never a reason to fake an orgasm or tell him how talented he was when he wasn’t. When you’re in a relationship, you might feel bad about hurting your partner’s feelings & avoid mentioning he isn’t fulfilling your sexual needs. But, when you’re w/a FWB, you have no problem coaching each other bc good sex is the end goal. When you transition from FWB to boyfriend & girlfriend, a lot of things will change, but the amazing sex will stay the same.

(3) Nothing’s Forced: If you fall in love w/your FWB, you know you must be crazy about him. Why? Bc you’ve been trying so hard not to develop feelings for him. When you meet a nice, sweet guy, sometimes you force your feelings into existence. You know he’d be the perfect boyfriend, so you try to convince yourself you love him. But, if you love your FWB, the opposite occurs. The love blossoms against your will, which must mean your feelings are super strong bc they’re fighting against your common sense.

(4) Trust: You’d think it would be harder to trust a guy you know bangs women outside of a relationship. However, you 2 were basically boyfriend & girlfriend w/out the title, back when you were friends w/benefits. He didn’t have to agree to enter a monogamous relationship w/you when you were already banging him w/out forcing him to meet your parents & take you out on the town. If he agrees to date you, there’s no reason to have trust issues. Giving up no-strings-attached sex to be called your boyfriend means he’s serious about you.

(5) It’s Unexpected: The best things in life are the things you can’t predict. Most people will try to convince you a FWB relationship will never survive the transition into a monogamous 1. In many cases, that’s the truth. Of course, there are always exceptions. There are plenty of people who started out as banging buddies, but ended up happily married. Be like them & you’ll get the satisfaction of proving the world wrong.

View full article at: http://elitedaily.com/dating/forget-stigma-fwbs-can-lead-best-relationships-ever/897881/