Facebook Addiction: 9 Increasingly Drastic Ways to Overcome It

Article By: Anthony Ongaro

On a day like any other, I was standing at my desk working on a blog post while trying to come up w/the appropriate words to write. Frustrated at my lack of progress, I turned, looked out the window for a moment then looked back to my screen. My blog post had disappeared, but the infamous blue & white website we all know so well had replaced it.

Later that afternoon while working on another written piece, a co-worker walked into my office & interrupted me mid-sentence. After a quick conversation, I looked back at my Word document & found a sentence that looked approximately like this:

The efficiencies of quantum mechanics determine that sevfacebook

While that sentence is 100% fabricated, the example of what happened to the end of it is 100% true. For the 2nd time that day, I had subconsciously typed the word “facebook” w/out realizing it & it scared the crap out of me. I knew it was time for a change.

What started out as a simple way to connect w/college classmates has become an all encompassing communication hub where we get our news, updates on family members while spending a heck of a lot of our time.

The average user now spends about 50 minutes per day on Facebook.

I’d venture to guess that the 50 minutes aren’t in a solid block either, occurring in small 2-3 minute chunks as notifications come in throughout the day. These bursts create small interruptions, pulling us away from what we may be doing, eating, working on, or creating. It’s no accident that Facebook brings us back as frequently as possible. For the company, our attention equals dollars.

Like any habit loop, Facebook is designed to work its way into our brain as a trigger-habit-reward cycle that is incredibly difficult to break. At the surface, Facebook is a tool—not inherently good or bad—but its impact on our lives is determined by how we use it.

Imagine picking up a hammer 35 times per day & using it wherever you happen to be. When you need to drive in a nail, picking up a hammer makes a lot of sense. Otherwise, it would seem quite ridiculous. Facebook is the hammer & connecting w/friends & family is the nail. Everything else gets diminished by the hammer – our personal lives, intentions & meaningful connections to the world.

If you feel like you’re losing the battle against the Facebook addiction twitch, there is help!

These suggestions are ordered from least extreme to most, allowing you to choose the options that are right for you.

Log out of the website. Make it so that you have to manually log in every time you want to use Facebook. Doing this will give you a few seconds to decide if you actually need to log on, creating intentional friction in the process. This strategy works best when on the computer, but can also work if you don’t use the Facebook app on your phone.

Temporarily block the site. By using a productivity browser extension like Strict Workflow, you can hit a button that will block any websites you don’t want to visit for a specific duration of time. Once break time comes around, it will allow you to go to the sites of your choosing. Click the button again & the sites will be blocked while you focus. These blockers help reduce the number of times you may bounce to Facebook during a focus period.

Turn off all app notifications. It’s best when you intentionally decide to check Facebook, w/out hearing an alert that triggers your attention. Reduce distractions & the urge to check & scroll by turning off all notifications in the app.

Delete the app. While you can still use your mobile browser to check Facebook, doing this significantly reduces the notifications & helps break the twitch of being able to check the site so quickly. The app is made to be as low friction as possible & deleting it will help you avoid using Facebook when it’s less appropriate. Even more powerful is if you use the 1st tip & log out of the site, forcing yourself to log in on your phone.

Kill the newsfeed algorithm. If you’re habitually checking Facebook, 1 way to reduce the desire to do so is to have no new content come up when you do. You can use a browser extension called FB Purity to automatically reorder the newsfeed into chronological order. That way, Facebook won’t show you new content every time you open the site & it will be much less interesting when you do visit & scroll.

Block the newsfeed completely. Using the same FB Purity app, you can select an option to delete the newsfeed all together. It will show up as a blank space in the middle of your screen & won’t entice you to scroll down if you need to log on to Facebook to post something or check on 1 of your business pages. You can take care of whatever you might need to for work & then be done w/it.

Deactivate your account. Unfortunately, Facebook has made it ridiculously easy to reactivate your account…all you have to do is just log in again. But, the best way to break a habit cycle is to detox & rewire your brain from that habit. I’ve found that it takes at least 5 to 7 days to break the initial ‘twitch’ habit cycle, so commit to at least that. Deactivate your account & log back in when you’re ready.

Delete your account. You have to dig around in your Facebook settings to find this option – but if you feel that Facebook isn’t benefiting you in meaningful ways, just get rid of it. If you want to keep your content, you can download your entire Facebook history in 1 small zip file & backup everything you’ve ever posted. To continuing sharing w/others, you can start a blog where people can find you with a quick Google search & where you can share your life updates & learnings.

Throw your phone & computer into a ravine. If all else fails, find a property on which to homestead, grow your own food & throw your electronic devices into the fire river of Mordor. There are fewer things better than some quality time in nature to help beat an addiction, & perhaps we need to take some extreme measures to ensure our own progress.

Facebook is a tool that just like any other, should benefit us when we use it. If you feel like it’s controlling your life a little more than it should, take steps to get it back to sanity. When used intentionally, it’s a valuable resource that allows you to connect in meaningful ways.

View full article at: http://www.breakthetwitch.com/facebook-addiction/

A Guide to Overcoming Procrastination & Finding Focus

Article By: Leo Babauta

We all procrastinate. The question is how (or even whether) we overcome the tendency to procrastinate, & if we can find focus. This matters — our lives are brief & limited, & while we don’t need to be productivity robots, running in fear of difficult tasks to distractions & comfort is not the best way to spend our lives.

We can face these fears. We can learn to deal w/them mindfully. And in doing so, we can develop an ability to return w/courage to the work that matters the most to us, to create something important, something that helps the world at least in a small way. Distraction & running aren’t useful habits. Let’s learn to overcome them & find focus to create.

The Procrastination Fears
Why do we run from hard tasks? Bc of fears:
– That we don’t know what we’re doing
– That we’re gonna mess up & look bad
– That we’ll succeed & then have to face a scarier situation
– That the task will be difficult & uncomfortable

Basically, we fear discomfort & uncertainty. We want comfort & certainty, & distractions like email & social media. Reading news & blogs are easy & we know how to do them. Very well. Distractions are always much more tempting than difficult work, much more comforting than facing fears.

We all have fears, but our habit is to run from them. Avoid even thinking about them. Our minds are very good at this. We get distracted & then forget completely about what we were supposed to be doing. Our minds are good at forgetting & getting lost. We try to focus, but then immediately we have an urge to switch to something else bc staying is uncomfortable. Our minds love comfort, hate discomfort & will run to comfort every time, if we let them.

So that’s why we procrastinate … but how do we overcome this?

Overcoming Procrastination
Our minds are very good at running from discomfort & most of the time we don’t even realize it’s happening. We just have an urge to switch & follow the urge immediately. The trick then, is to catch ourselves when we’re about to switch. When the urge comes up to switch, we have to notice. Then we have to pause & deal mindfully instead of mindlessly w/the urge.

Here’s how:
– Create a practice space. Do an Unprocrastination Session once a day to practice.
– Pick an important task (any will do — 1 you’ve been procrastinating on is a good choice). Set a timer for 5 minutes, or 10 if you feel ambitious. Commit to doing nothing but your important task for that 5 minutes.
– Don’t let yourself switch. Clear distractions & have nothing that you can do except this 1 task. You’re single-tasking. When you get the urge to switch (when, not if), notice this! And don’t act on the urge. We can feel an urge & not act on it. How liberating!
– Stay w/the urge. Instead of acting on the urge, instead of ignoring the urge, just stay w/it. Sit still & feel how it feels. Notice the fear of this task that you’re facing. Notice discomfort. Boredom, dread, feeling intimidated or overwhelmed or confused or incompetent. Just stay w/it & be curious about the physical feeling. What does the energy in your body feel like?
– Return to the task. After sitting for a minute w/the urge & the discomfort, they’ll probably die down. Simply return your focus to your task. You didn’t scratch the itch & the itch wasn’t that big of a deal.

By working on this once a day, you can begin to develop trust that you’ll be OK if you don’t scratch the itch, that you’ll be able to handle the urge w/out acting on it, that you’ll be fine if you deal w/the discomfort of a difficult task. This is quite an accomplishment!

Finding Focus
Focusing on 1 thing is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Whether you want to focus on writing a report or a book chapter, focus on drawing or practicing music, focus on reading or meditating on your breath … your mind is in the habit of switching to something else. Focusing, then, is a matter of practicing staying.

In the Unprocrastination Sessions I described above, we talked about how to practice staying. In addition, I’d like to offer a few more practical tips:
– Have a deeper motivation. The thing you are focusing on shouldn’t just be “nice to do,” but should really feel meaningful to you.
– Remember your motivation as you get started. This task doesn’t just have fear in it … there’s a great deal of love as well. Let the love drive you past the fear.
– Use external motivation if needed. While love is the best motivator, sometimes you just aren’t feeling up to it. So use external deadlines & accountability. Promise to email something to a friend or colleague by a deadline or you have to do something embarrassing. Put your reputation on the line. Join an accountability group. Don’t let yourself off the hook.
– Allow yourself to get into Flow. This is the state of mind where you are lost in the task. It’s easy to only be halfway into a task w/your mind flitting around & wanting to do something else. But if you can get fully into a task, you’ll truly love doing it. That means clearing all distractions & really putting your mind into the task. I find it helpful to have a challenging task & 1 that requires me to visualize. For example, if I’m writing a story, I should be imagining how the story is going, visually, not just thinking about the words.
– Focus isn’t a magical quality that you can just acquire. It is a skill that takes daily practice & you get better at it but never completely master it. You’ll slip up & get discouraged, but you can just practice some more.

In the end, all the practice will be worth it bc you’ll learn to focus on things that truly matter. And that is a life worth living, in my experience.

7 Ways to Beat Self-Doubt

Article By: Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D.

 Self-doubt can be a debilitating thought pattern that sabotages our chances for success. We all struggle w/self-doubt at some point, but learning to overcome it frees us from negative thinking & allows us to live to our fullest potential. Here are 7 techniques to help you live w/confidence:

(1) Find a mentor or someone who you can go to for advice (or venting). Your thoughts are racing. You want to let some of them go, but you don’t know who to talk to. Who do you seek out? Find that person who really listens to you, understands you, & helps to place your feet back on the ground, whether it be a therapist, parent figure, sibling, or trusted friend. They can help identify & challenge your unhealthy beliefs w/out passing judgment.

(2) Surround yourself w/real friends. You find yourself surrounded by a toxic group of friends. The environment is negative, competitive, & fake. They constantly try to bring you down to the level of their insecurities, & you are left w/nothing but self-doubt. Sometimes it takes having a group of bad friends to truly recognize the 1s who are good. Identify those friends who support you, advise you, & encourage you; the friends who think you are a star. Those friends are worth your time.

(3) Forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself is often harder than forgiving others. We constantly dwell on the times we failed or caused someone harm. We may play the victim & hold ourselves back from a life of betterment. Find that strength to overcome these shortcomings. Transfer the energy spent feeling guilt & self-criticism into the positive aspects of your life & move forward, bc self-compassion is allowed.

(4) Set reachable goals that you can accomplish. Your goals should be ever evolving & changing. Give yourself permission to try new things, but don’t be unrealistic. You need that feeling of purpose & accomplishment, & it often takes baby-steps to get there. Your long-term success & health will be dependent on setting manageable, immediate goals. And always remember to reward yourself even for the small things.

(5) Find your breath when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Seriously: Deep inhale, hard exhale. Life can become extremely overwhelming, & it is your job to mitigate the obstacles it throws your way. Deep breathing is an excellent daily habit to help reduce stress & self-doubt.

(6) Write it down. Write it all down. The therapeutic act of writing your thoughts—both positive & negative—will shed some light on what is really running through your mind. Take some time throughout the day to document everything from stress to accomplishment. If your negatives are overshadowing your greater positives, your journal will expose this. Be creative about how you document, but always speak the truth. A journal is an often-utilized therapeutic tool, but it can also be a good friend.

(7) Stop trying to make everyone else happy. You are caring, kind, & selfless, yet you are struggling to find your own happiness & esteem. Why? Bc you are wasting too much time making everyone else happy, & you have none left for yourself. Your happiness is placed in the hands of everyone else, & let’s face it: People are hard to please. The result: You feel extreme self-doubt. Respect yourself 1st, & you will be surprised at the results.

View full article at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201507/7-ways-beat-self-doubt

Overcoming over-apologizing: Why we constantly say “sorry” and how to stop it!

How Learning To Love Myself In My 20s Has Cured My Fear Of Turning 30

Article By: Bianca Spinosa

As I approached 21 years of age, I looked forward to my birthday w/bittersweet emotion & a sense of doom. The reason a normal person gets excited about turning 21 is the same reason I dreaded it. Reaching a milestone means the moment will pass. You only get 1 shot at 21, no matter how many shots you take when you turn. I honestly thought turning 21 would be the zenith of my life. College would end soon & I would never have that kind of freedom again. Like Gatsby w/his Daisy, when I wed my “unutterable visions” w/the “perishable breath” of my 21st birthday, my mind would never romp again.

There’s a reason the ubiquitous shopping mecca for youth today is called “Forever 21″ & not “Forever 30.” When turning 30 becomes a reality & not just a vague possibility in your future, you feel like there are certain things you should be checking off your life checklist. Stuff like a successful career; a dude who could at least be a prospect (for anything, really) & enough money to support a child if you want 1 in the near future (before 36 or even, like, 40 — I’m not picky); fertile at 30, despite years of dreading your monthly ovulation & pumping your uterus full of enough estrogen to neutralize Arnold Schwarzenegger. The last thing you want is a clothing store, in a mall of all places, reminding you that yes, you will 1 day face the inevitable questions of 30…forever! But, I’m no longer 21 & I’ve learned to appreciate getting older.

I’m currently 28 years old & turning 27 proved to be 1 of my most important birthdays. I worked that day. I celebrated the occasion alone in my new apartment in the new town where I had recently moved for my career, accompanied by Anthony Bourdain reruns on the Travel Channel & a bottle of grocery store Cabernet Sauvignon. There are worse ways to spend 1’s birthday than drinking wine & watching sexy silver fox Anthony Bourdain roam foreign lands w/his shirt half-unbuttoned, putting things in his mouth, but I don’t think I’m alone in believing there are also better ways to spend 1’s birthday.

While my 27th birthday sucked, my life at age 27, however, didn’t. At 21, my life was filled w/so many unanswered questions. By 27, I’d set sail in life; I knew how to steer the boat & navigate the choppy seas. At 21, I’d just left shore in a boat I knew little about & I didn’t know where I was going. By 27, I had a good job & was well on my way to checking off the “successful career” box on the checklist.

The youthful innocence I had so coveted included some benefits, but for the most part, when I look back on the ridiculous decisions I made in my early 20s (drunk dialing guys, sober dialing guys, any text I sent to a guy, basically all my interactions w/guys), the last thing it makes me want to do is go back to being 21. I’m thankful for the great teacher that experience is. By 27, I had built myself a respectable résumé, better understood my strengths & weaknesses, & had a much better idea of what I wanted in a relationship (err, I mean, a prospect). See, I’ve learned so much! I’ve learned to embrace my age rather than bemoan the age I will never be again.

I no longer fear 30. I no longer fear the future. I am still learning, but in my late 20s, I developed a better grasp on the importance of confidence, the belief in 1self & the ability to not give a crap of what any1 else thinks of you. The other miraculous thing is I realized I looked better at 27 than I looked at 21. I’d never gotten the memo from our youth-obsessed media culture that most women actually look better as they approach 30! My cheekbones became more defined & appeared more angular. I felt more comfortable in my own body. It’s a cliché, but I learned to love myself bc I knew myself better. After all, I’d been in a relationship w/myself for 27 years. My overarching need to feel accepted that consumed my early 20s still existed (it always does in some capacity), but it faded by 27.

Being like every1 else isn’t a priority for me. I’ll wear my mud-stained Ugg boots everywhere. I’ll go to the grocery store w/no makeup on (seriously, none). I’ll give some1 a piece of my mind & I’ll make decisions based on what I want. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is 1 of the major benefits of getting older. I had no idea.

Now, I can only look forward to the shift I will see in myself when I (gasp) turn 30! I’m embracing this time in my life. There is no use in idealizing youth as this golden pasture. Yes, it is golden, but we’ll never get to frolic in it again. Ever. No 1 gets to. Not even Gatsby. Or Leo DiCaprio. So, why mope about it?

I’m officially an adult navigating the big ol’ ocean of adulthood. I don’t need to look at the world in a fresh-faced, innocent way. It’s fun to be ironic & sarcastic & have the “life experience” to justify my tongue-in-cheek cynicism. I’ve lived in some interesting places, worked hard & met many wonderful people. I like the creases on the outside corners of my eyes. Crow’s feet mean I’ve smiled a lot & now, my face is even better prepared to smile more.

After all, who wants to shop at “Forever 21” forever? I probably would if I could still fit into the clothes (I’m pretty sure Ariana Grande is the only individual who can). That being said, I’ll take my real age bc the only way to be young at heart is to embrace the present, no matter which birthday it is.

View full article at: http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/learned-love-late-twenties-im-afraid-thirty/894537/

7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People

Article By: Tamara Star

I often teach about happiness & what has become exceedingly clear is this: There are 7 qualities chronically unhappy people have mastered. According to Psychology Today, University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: “40% of our capacity for happiness is w/in our power to change.” If this is true & it is, there’s hope for us all. There are billions of people on our planet & clearly some are truly happy. The rest of us bounce back & forth between happiness & unhappiness depending on the day.

Throughout the years, I’ve learned there are certain traits & habits chronically unhappy people seem to have mastered. But before diving in w/you, let me preface this & say: we all have bad days, even weeks when we fall down in all 7 areas. The difference between a happy & unhappy life is how often & how long we stay there. Here are the 7 qualities of chronically unhappy people:

(1) Your default belief is that life is hard. Happy people know life can be hard & tend to bounce through hard times w/an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess, & focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible. Perseverance towards problem-solving versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life & stay stuck in the “look what happened to me” attitude versus finding a way through & out the other side.

(2) You believe most people can’t be trusted. I won’t argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people, versus assuming every1 is out to get them. Generally open & friendly towards people they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves & meet new people w/an open heart. Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they meet & assume that strangers can’t be trusted. Unfortunately this behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an inner-circle & thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.

(3) You concentrate on what’s wrong in this world versus what’s right. There’s plenty wrong w/this world, no arguments here, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what’s actually right in this world & instead focus on what’s wrong. You can spot them a mile away, they’ll be the 1s complaining & responding to any positive attributes of our world w/”yeah but”. Happy people are aware of global issues, but balance their concern w/also seeing what’s right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people tend to close 1 eye towards anything good in this world in fear they might be distracted from what’s wrong. Happy people keep it in perspective. They know our world has problems & they also keep an eye on what’s right.

(4) You compare yourself to others & harbor jealousy. Unhappy people believe some1 else’s good fortune steals from their own. They believe there’s not enough goodness to go around & constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy & resentment. Happy people know that your good luck & circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve. Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can’t be duplicated or stolen from — by any1 on the planet. They believe in unlimited possibilities & don’t get bogged down by thinking 1 person’s good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.

(5) You strive to control your life. There’s a difference between control & striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there’s very little control over what life throws their way. Unhappy people tend to micromanage in effort to control all outcomes & fall apart in dramatic display when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go w/the flow & not melt down when life delivers a curve-ball. The key here is to be goal-oriented & focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen w/out falling apart when the best laid plans go awry – bc they will. Going w/the flow is what happy people have as plan B.

(6) You consider your future w/worry & fear. There’s only so much rent space between your ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts w/what could go wrong versus what might go right. Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion & allow themselves to daydream about what they’d like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space w/constant worry & fear. Happy people experience fear & worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it & living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person’s mind, they’ll ask themselves if there’s an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening (there’s responsibility again) & they take it. If not, they realize they’re spinning in fear & they lay it down.

(7) You fill your conversations w/gossip & complaints. Unhappy people like to live in the past. What’s happened to them & life’s hardships are their conversation of choice. When they run out of things to say, they’ll turn to other people’s lives & gossip. Happy people live in the now & dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They’re excited about something they’re working on, grateful for what they have & dreaming about the possibilities of life.

Obviously none of us are perfect. We’re all going to swim in negative waters once in a while, but what matters is how long we stay there & how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything perfectly. Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It’s in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.

View full article at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-star/7-habit-of-chronically-unhappy-people_b_6174000.html

STUDY: A bad marriage could literally break your heart

“If you are in an unhappy marriage, you may want to check in with a cardiologist.”

6 Reasons Your Relationship May Be Suffering

Article By: Mr. Rr

No 1 lives a stress-free life, no matter how amazing or normal their lifestyle is. You may find yourself stuck in certain traumatic situations when you want everything to just stop, you start finding a “pause” button to life. The best way is to think &solve. This article focuses on 6 questions that you can ask yourself when you’re going through tough times.

(6) Did I Give It My All? The toughest question you can ask yourself befalls on your own actions & it’s the toughest question to ask yourself. You need to think about things & ask yourself if you’ve given it your best, if you’ve put the best of your efforts &if you’ve done all you could. We are critical people, we judge others before we even take a look in the mirror to judge ourselves, we are often the cause of a lot of problems and we & even know it. Life is as easy as you want it to be & as impossible as you can make it for yourself. You may find your relationship struggling & you may think it’s the other person’s fault when it actually is you who’s to blame. It’s nothing to be shamed of, I blame myself for things that I do wrong all the time, it’s only human to make mistakes & it’s divine to know & not make them again.

(5) What Do You Love The Most About Them? During times of trouble, you need to stop thinking about the bad & start focusing on the good. Your relationship will go through a lot of ups & downs, probably more downs than ups bc you aren’t in a relationship w/yourself, you’re in a relationship w/some1 w/their own individuality, their own strengths & weaknesses. Ask yourself, what’s that 1 thing that you love the most about them? What is the 1 thing that you think of about them that makes you smile from ear to ear? Think about it, think hard. Smile. And go back to knowing why you love them so much.

(4) Why Do You Feel Alone? Sometimes, we are the biggest enemies of ourselves. If you’re in a good & happy relationship & you still feel a bit sad & empty, you need to ask yourself the cause. You need to ask yourself why you feel alone & empty. Is it the other person’s absense when you need them or is it your past still lingering on & not letting you completely live your life like you should? Do not be quick to blame your partner, think about it yourself 1st. In my case, I used to feel sad even when she kept trying her best to make me smile & laugh. I still felt alone even when she was there for me whenever I needed her. After a while, she stopped putting so much effort & eventually I had to solve this myself bc I did not want her to leave. It was my past, the demons of my past that haunted me in my sleep. After a long talk w/myself (yes, it’s normal to talk to yourself), I had a long talk w/her & she finally knew it wasn’t her who was the cause of my sorrows & she helped me get through it. It doesn’t hurt to ask yourself & speak up.

(3) The Biggest Fear About Your Relationship? Like I said earlier, we are often our biggest enemies. Sometimes, we let our fears take control & not let us open up. It’s perfectly natural to be scared & to fear something, but it’s not natural if you don’t do anything about it to make the fear go away. Ask yourself, what are you scared of the most in your relationship? Is it the fear of losing some1 you trust blindly? Is it the fear of being cheated on? Is it the fear of being left alone? Is it the fear of what society will say? Is it the fear of failure? We all have our fears, we all need to sort them out. My biggest fear was being cheated on bc I was cheated on once before. So when I got into this new relationship, I used to be paranoid. I used to look at her phone all the time, I used to ask her silly questions, I used to be a total & complete mess. But, I slowly realized it wasn’t her fault, she did not deserve to be treated that way bc some1 else left me w/that hurt & immense fear. So I fought myself, I fought my fear out of my body. It has been a year & I haven’t been cheated on. It’s always good to let go of your fears.

(2) Do You Love Yourself Enough? We need to love ourselves before we can love others. You need to ask yourself, do you love yourself enough? Do you appreciate yourself enough? Are you satisfied w/the person you are or are you constantly trying to be some1 you’re not? You can only completely love some1 once you completely love & accept yourself on your own. It is not possible to give some1 your care & attention w/out caring for yourself 1st. You can not let yourself go. You are a human being, you are an individual, you are precious to so many people who you don’t even think about, love yourself.

(1) Can I Live Without Him/Her? If all else fails & you still find your relationship going down in flames, the last & most important question is to ask yourself if you can live w/out them. It’s 1 of the toughest things in the world to move on. The memories you create can never be deleted, they can never be forgotten, is it worth the amount of pain & trauma? Can you not give it 1 last shot even if it’s to not let the memories die? Think about all the good times, think about when you cried in front of them & they held you & told you it’s okay. Think about when they made you laugh. Think about all the countless things you 2 did together that you probably won’t do the same way w/any1 else again. Think, & make it work.

View full article at: http://relrules.com/post/6-Questions-To-Ask-Yourself-During-Tough-Times/1

10 Simple Habits to Improve Self-Esteem

Article By: Lesya Li

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbreak on. – Maxwell Maltz

There are tons of articles out there claiming capability to change your life for the better, but the truth is that it’s completely up to you. Or not. Let me paraphrase that. In order to change anything in your life you need to look up for your old limiting habits 1st. Yes, that’s right. Let me suggest to you the 1s I found helpful in my own self-esteem improvement:

(1) Decide & Do it Instantly: If you decided to go & try bungee jumping then go & do it as fast as you can before the voice of the 2nd thought tells you what you can or cannot do.

A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided. – Tony Robbins

(2) New things to learn every day: Make it a habit! Choose a subject & learn something new every day step by step. From fun facts that you can share w/your friends to the art of making woollen pictures. Whatever you are into – don’t delay it – learn it now.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. – Mahatma Gandhi

(3) Make sure you get it right: If you are not sure about a subject – just ask for an explanation. Yes, I know, there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t mind to rub it in your face that you don’t know something that may be obvious to them. So what?! Take a look at point 2 & get on w/it. Clarify. Learn new things no matter what others might think. You learn, you develop yourself as a person – that’s the only thing that matters.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering. – Paulo Coelho

(4) Shape it up: Ever wanted to try street dance, step, bikram yoga or any other fun active stuff? Do it now. You know better than me – a healthy body possesses a healthy soul. Beautiful reflection in the mirror is another self esteem booster that we cannot deny.

Physical fitness is not only 1 of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic & creative intellectual activity. – John F. Kennedy

(5) Walk w/style: If you are not happy w/your current style – change it. It’s a simple thing to do & is even a boost to the artistic part of your soul.

Fashions fade, style is eternal. – Yves Saint Laurent
In order to be irreplaceable 1 must always be different. – Coco Chanel

(6) The power of smile: Smile more often & stop being so hard on yourself & others around you! Shake the grumpiness away! It will never give you any self-esteem kick whatsoever. I promise. So again – be happy & smile as often as you possibly can 24/7.

Let us always meet each other w/a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.- Mother Teresa

(7) STOP comparing: Or should I say NEVER compare yourself to anybody else. Yes, that is a hard pill to swallow but the only comparison that can be allowed to take place is the 1 where you compare yourself of today to yourself of yesterday!

When you stop comparing what is right here & now w/what you wish were, you can begin to enjoy what is.- Cheri Huber

(8) Not Guilty: As an example, if your friend blames you for breaking that old lamp on purpose – do not justify or look for lame reasons why you broke it. Tell the truth. You hated that lamp & it was time for it to go for good. Guilty look full of excuses for a justified act makes it unjustified.

Guilt has very quick ears to an accusation. – Henry Fielding

(9) Ideally NOT idealistic: There are no ideal & perfect things or people in this world so stop feeling bad about it. Forget what you did wrong & focus on what to do right in the future, or now! Be friendly to yourself & others & remember – no 1 is perfect.

Good friends, good books & a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.- Mark Twain

(10) Take initiative: Compare the overall # of times you say “Yes” & “No” to new experiences in your life. Analyse that #. Make a decision to change your life for the better by saying “Yes” more often.

Time is neutral & does not change things. W/courage & initiative, leaders change things. – Jesse Jackson

Initiative is doing the right things w/out being told.- Elbert Hubbard

View full article at: http://www.havingtime.com/10-simple-habits-to-improve-self-esteem/

Top 5 Ways to Overcome Heartbreak

Article By: FindingFaithDivine

I realize that there are a million articles such as this out there but since I am ridiculously experienced in bad breakups (versus healthy, long lasting relationships) I figure I might have some unique insight in dealing. Also, considering my vast, horribly depressing experience, I hope to gain some positive from it even if that means helping only one person get through their ordeal. So grab some ice cream and start taking notes!

(1) VENT, cry, scream, sing, draw, write: Do whatever is your most trusted form of communication to release the frustration, anger, betrayal, disappointment, shock, etc. that you are currently feeling. Many suggest writing in a journal, which is highly therapeutic, but that doesn’t always work for people that aren’t into lengthy verbal confessions – so I suggest drawing your feelings (stick figures or cartoons are perfectly acceptable), writing songs or poetry, or even painting (I find finger painting to be the most liberating). No one will be judging the artistic merit of your creation(s) so don’t hesitate due to fear of judgment or criticism. This if for you, and you alone! The point of this is exercise is release, not peer review.

Any form of expression allows an outlet for the tidal wave of emotions that can feel overwhelming in the first stages of a separation. If not released, you risk drowning in your own depression (speaking from experience and another topic to be discussed).

(2) Cry your heart out: Rent a classic tear-jerker, order some pizza and grab a pint of ice cream. Cliché as this may be, it really does help (most importantly it helps with the above process of releasing toxic emotions that will build up and haunt you later). For me, tear-jerkers usually include romantic movies such as The Notebook since it’s not only a beautiful love story that transcends time but also reminds me of the love that I’m so desperately missing in my life.

I don’t recommend pity parties on a regular basis, so please don’t misinterpret this step, but at a time of recovery such as this spending a night reminiscing about the past now lost, wondering whether your future will be as beautiful as your dreams and finally, accepting the reality of your current situation, can be not only cathartic but constructive. So grab your tissue box and cry like a little girl in need of new shiny shoes!

Productive positive to keep in mind: your tears represent shedding a life no longer yours to make room for a new, unknown journey that is waiting for you when you’re brave enough to pursue it. ‘Out with the old, in with the new.’

(3) Enjoy Freedom: I know that being single comes with a stigma, especially for girls over a certain age, but embrace it! I promise, one day you will have your happily ever after and everything that goes with that. So until then, enjoy the things that only can be done while unattached. Such as going out at random times without having to check in with someone. Have a sleepover with your best friends to pig out on junk food, watch old movies and gossip about celebrity crushes. Act like a teenager that just got their driver’s license (but don’t speed and wear your seat belt)!

Explore the world around you; go on spontaneous trips while the responsibilities of being a spouse and/or parent aren’t there to hold you back. Join a new social group, become a pet foster parent, take karate, sign up for classes for whatever area(s) interest you, find a new hobby…the list of options is endless and equally as exciting. But try to do something that is out of the ordinary for you that not only challenges your distinctive capabilities but forces you to venture away from your comfort zone. Step out of the bubble! This will distract you from your present emotional predicament and allow you to meet new people as well as experience an array of fresh escapades that you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do otherwise. Plus you not only get out of the house and create a new solo routine but it also puts you in a position to meet new people, possibly your future partner 😉

At the end of this vacay from your normal routine, you will also be greatly impressed with yourself for trying something new and braving the scary world of … whatever you chose to do! This leads to the next step of self-love.

(4) Self-Love: Remember that you are amazing and one of a kind! For me, this is the hardest part. I truly am my own worst enemy but have finally come to learn that judging yourself is the most detrimental of all toxic behaviors. I admit, I do not entirely understand the concept of loving yourself before you can love another since I often put the feelings of others ahead of my own – but I am now certain that if you do not at the very least respect yourself and acknowledge that your worth is great, then no one else will. People treat you with as much respect as you show yourself. So if you never accept the greatness and value within yourself, then how can anyone else?

Do not obstruct the glorious light within you by harsh words, self-doubt, unforgiving notions and a negative attitude. No one has conquered the same battles; no one has thought your thoughts; and no one will ever become the person that you are capable of being, if you let yourself.

(5) Pray: Pray for wisdom to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Pray for clarity of mind to stay focused on being the best person you can be, on being the new you that is no longer part of an “us.” Pray for peace to move forward without dragging past pain wherever the future may take you. And finally, pray for forgiveness both for your past wrongs and for those of your partner’s; forgiving yourself and others is the only true way to live a happy, healthy life free of bitterness that can weigh down our spirits. God created His people to soar, to float among the happiness of his creations – so don’t tie yourself down to negative emotions. Free your heart through love and forgiveness and understanding as God intended.

I know breakups are hard, regardless of the remedies you try. But please be brave and patient. Time really will become your best friend as the memories begin to fade. In the meantime, remember that you are special, you are worthy of the world’s love, and you will find the person who will love you regardless of any fault you may find within!